some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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