I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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