MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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