Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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