Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
