New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
