Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
