hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
