he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
