every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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