my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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