i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
