i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
