Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
