Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
