I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
did i just pee glitter
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
