Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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