yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
