There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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