If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
