I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
