dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
