You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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