So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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