She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
