I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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