I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Still dying that you shit outside
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
