the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
