Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
