did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
