Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
