i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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