wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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