I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
