im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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