I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
