she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
