so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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