I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
