Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
