ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
