Your face is a jimmy john
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
