Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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