Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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