how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
