His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
