don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
