Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
