I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
