i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
