At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
